I am starting this blog because it is personal and real. Don’t get me wrong, the blog related to camming is forthright and genuine. I touch on many topics related to this industry that most people refuse to talk about. But I think sometimes people would rather read about stuff they can relate to, things that happen to us that we just have to deal with, whether we like it or not. Life is not always a smooth, enjoyable ride. Sometimes it is shitty and full of unpleasant surprises. Maybe, at times, we just need to be reminded that we aren’t the only ones going through difficult times and maybe, just maybe, that will make a difference to somebody.
And that is the ultimate purpose of this new blog. By sharing my experiences I hope to help somebody who is going through something similar and maybe they will manage to overcome it. Or maybe they just want something to read because they are fucked off with all the girls riding dildos like robots. Either way, proceed only if you are interested! And yes, it is odd writing about myself here, on a sex site where everybody advises you that it is best to keep cam work and your personal life separately but I am willing to try and see how it goes.
I love Sierra. She was born out of curiosity, creativity and the need to explore. She is full of flaws yet unique in her own way. She is friendly, kind and positive. She tries to change people’s life for the better and when she doesn’t achieve her goals she beats herself up for it.
When Sierra logs out, she is the same girl but in different clothes, less make up and most likely with a messy hair. Sometimes she’s a hot mess but other times she is just a mess. She stuffs her face with food, argues, is clingy and sassy and watches Investigation Discovery for hours. She is not a “sex goddess” or “online counselor” anymore but an ordinary girl who tries to keep up with whatever life throws at her.
I consider myself completely normal although some people might debate that (there are so many different meanings to it). By “normal” most people understand somebody or something that conforms to a standard, someone or something typical/average. I’ve been like that and want to believe that I still am, but sometimes my actions have lead most people into pointing fingers at me and saying I am doing things wrong. Maybe they have a point, maybe they don’t but either way it seems to me that this world is increasingly designed to depress us.
From a very young age I’ve been told how I should live my life. I should go to school, graduate “magna cum laude”, go to college and graduate again, get a well-paying prestigious job, get married and settle down at my own home with kids and then die happily. Really? Is that it? But it sounds so boring! Where is the excitement in that? Where is the part where I get to have fun, experience crazy things and get in trouble? Where is the part where I get my heart broken and then learn to heal and grow? Where is the part where I have to cut off people because they are toxic to my mental health? Most importantly, where is the part where I actually get to live my life as I want to and not as others expect me to?
I haven’t questioned myself any of that until college. I have done everything “by the book”, made my parents proud with my achievements, had a big circle of friends that I thought I could trust, didn’t hurt anyone, took responsibility for other people’s happiness and the list goes on and on and on…But by the time I got into college I started my battle with panic attacks, anxiety and depression. I was sick both physically and mentally (I used to weigh about 101 pounds). I was miserable and unhappy and went through the darkest times ever. It wasn’t college that made me feel miserable, it was the expectations other people had of me that I was trying so hard to exceed that got me into that state. College just happened to be the time and place where I realized all this.
Now I do whatever the fuck I want and how I want. I’ve stopped justifying my choices and decisions and stopped trying to make others happy. I took life in my own hands, as scary as that sounds. And whereas it has been a very hard task I am very proud and content with where I am right now. I still think I am living a normal life though…I am just living it differently.
“No one is coming to rescue you from yourself: your inner demons, your lack of confidence, your dissatisfaction with yourself and your life. Only self-love and good decisions will rescue you.”-Jenni Young
