THE PERSON BEHIND SIERRA
Many of you have probably noticed that I’ve only been online twice in the last two weeks which hasn’t happened before unless I was on holiday. The reason for this is that a week and a half ago I’ve started taking courses in counseling. I honestly don’t know how exactly that happened.

All I can say is that I was partly influenced by a conversation with someone and partly by somebody else who has mentioned this course very briefly. Although I don’t really speak to those people anymore, I feel like the Universe has somehow arranged these meetings for me so that I would finally act upon this desire of mine to help people. Yes, its true, the Universe works in strange ways and it does so for reasons that sometimes are beyond our capacity of understanding.

To some of you counseling may sound like bullshit. One of the most common phrases I’ve heard about people who do this job is “Counselors want to fix other people while completely broken themselves.” Maybe there is some truth in that, because at the end of the day, what human being isn’t broken? But the part that is highly misunderstood about counseling practitioners is that they don’t try to fix you. It isn’t for them to do so. Counselors are there to be your friend, and the relationship built  between the therapist and the client has to be based on trust. Don’t we all want somebody who will listen and unconditionally accept us for all our faults and flaws?

This is a big step for me because it finally feels like I am doing something that Is truly meaningful to me, something that fills the voids that were missing before. As a matter of fact, I’ve found that camming and counseling are very much related to one another. I don’t think we need to ask ourselves why, but how many of you have I actually counseled before, sometimes without even being asked for it?

With that in mind, thank you for being so supportive even though I am missing out on spending so many days online with you guys. It is only temporary.

P.S: On that note, I am working on an Instagram account about self discovery and what I have learned so far about it. If you would like to check it out, below you can find the link that will take you to the page. Follow and turn on notifications to find out when I post. Thank youuu!
https://www.instagram.com/endlessjourneyofselfdiscovery/

Being empathic is hard yet so beautiful, so rewarding.  I used to be around people all day, feeling what they were feeling, then get home at the end of the day wondering why I am so drained of energy. I thought it was something natural that happened to everybody. It wasn’t until a lot later that I sat down with myself and did some research, but, to be honest, I am not 100% sure if being aware of it has made any difference. It clearly hasn’t changed the fact that I cry my eyes out whenever I watch movies or listen to the lyrics of a song, or see somebody in pain.

Having worked on this website for so long, I have managed to learn to cope with this blessing (or curse) and it has made me realize we are all struggling with something. There are so many people who are hurting both here and in the outside world who have absolutely no one to talk to, no moral support whatsoever and furthermore, their closest and dearest ones don’t even know their son/daughter/mother/father is hurting.

I understand some people don’t feel as deeply as others. I understand some of us are more rational and grounded than others, but that should not be, under no circumstances, an excuse not to try to put ourselves in somebody else’s shoes and show kindness towards them. Most of us will try to convince, not only ourselves, but others as well that we have everything under control but how many of us actually believe that? Can we really cope with all the stress in our lives on our own?
I always thought I could…But it was in my darkest times when I wish I had opened up to somebody and put all my trust and love at stake without really worrying whether they will try to use it against me or not. I wish I had known what I know now, which is suppressing negative emotions can do you no good. They will eat you alive if you don’t love yourself enough to deal with them and to receive help when it is needed.

I know It is a hard pill to swallow, especially in a world where you are encouraged to hide your feelings, your pain and your emotions because they are supposedly considered a sign of weakness. Is it really? I think it’s a sign of courage. What do you think?

I am starting this blog because it is personal and real. Don’t get me wrong, the blog related to camming is forthright and genuine. I touch on many topics related to this industry that most people refuse to talk about. But I think sometimes people would rather read about stuff they can relate to, things that happen to us  that we just have to deal with, whether we like it or not. Life is not always a smooth, enjoyable ride. Sometimes it is shitty and full of unpleasant surprises. Maybe, at times, we just need to be reminded that we aren’t the only ones going through difficult times and maybe, just maybe, that will make a difference to somebody.

And that is the ultimate purpose of this new blog. By sharing my experiences I hope to help somebody who is going through something similar and maybe they will manage to overcome it. Or maybe they just want something to read because they are fucked off with all the girls riding dildos like robots. Either way, proceed only if you are interested! And yes, it is odd writing about myself here, on a sex site where everybody advises you that it is best to keep cam work and your personal life separately but I am willing to try and see how it goes.

I love Sierra. She was born out of curiosity, creativity and the need to explore. She is full of flaws yet unique in her own way. She is friendly, kind and positive. She tries to change people’s life for the better and when she doesn’t achieve her goals she beats herself up for it.

When Sierra logs out, she is the same girl but in different clothes, less make up and most likely with a messy hair. Sometimes she’s a hot mess but other times she is just a mess. She stuffs her face with food, argues, is clingy and sassy and watches Investigation Discovery for hours. She is not a “sex goddess” or “online counselor” anymore but an ordinary girl who tries to keep up with whatever life throws at her.

I consider myself completely normal although some people might debate that (there are so many different meanings to it). By “normal” most people understand somebody or something that conforms to a standard, someone or something typical/average. I’ve been like that and want to believe that I still am, but sometimes my actions have lead most people into pointing fingers at me and saying I am doing things wrong. Maybe they have a point, maybe they don’t but either way it seems to me that this world is increasingly designed to depress us.

From a very young age I’ve been told how I should live my life. I should go to school, graduate “magna cum laude”, go to college and graduate again, get a well-paying prestigious job, get married and settle down at my own home with kids and then die happily. Really? Is that it? But it sounds so boring! Where is the excitement in that? Where is the part where I get to have fun, experience crazy things and get in trouble? Where is the part where I get my heart broken and then learn to heal and grow? Where is the part where I have to cut off people because they are toxic to my mental health? Most importantly, where is the part where I actually get to live my life as I want to and not as others expect me to?

I haven’t questioned myself any of that until college. I have done everything “by the book”, made my parents proud with my achievements, had a big circle of friends that I thought I could trust, didn’t hurt anyone, took responsibility for other people’s happiness and the list goes on and on and on…But by the time I got into college I started my battle with panic attacks, anxiety and depression. I was sick both physically and mentally (I used to weigh about 101 pounds). I was miserable and unhappy and went through the darkest times ever. It wasn’t college that made me feel miserable, it was the expectations other people had of me that I was trying so hard to exceed that got me into that state. College just happened to be the time and place where I realized all this.

Now I do whatever the fuck I want and how I want. I’ve stopped justifying my choices and decisions and stopped trying to make others happy. I took life in my own hands, as scary as that sounds. And whereas it has been a very hard task I am very proud and content with where I am right now. I still think I am living a normal life though…I am just living it differently.

“No one is coming to rescue you from yourself: your inner demons, your lack of confidence, your dissatisfaction with yourself and your life. Only self-love and good decisions will rescue you.”-Jenni Young