I just wanted to take the time to reach out personally and thank each and every single individual whom I've had the experience to even with some a great pleasure in our paths crossing since I embarked on the camgirl path....
Though it has not been easy and at times has tried me dearly to almost no ends you all made it worth it in the end, I will do my best to update this little blog weekly although if I get distraught to discouraged please do not be negative about it for that will be when I need your positivity the most! Yes I do struggle with many mental disorders as I am sure some of you are aware, a few like depression and anxiety to say the least. I know what you're thinking so what? so do most of us who cares? Well, the simple truth is that I care. I care about my mental and physical health just about as much as I care for your well being though I do not know you fully or on a very personal level you still crossed into my life and for that I am thankful and hope for nothing more than good fortune comes your way.
I have been on MyFreeCams now for what feels like an insane amount of time but in fact I'm only nearing maybe my third year come April!! Time sure does fly when you're cumming. LOL I have met with a lot of wonderful little freaks though not many of you really have become regulars or had been some of my regulars that never stayed around long to much after I disappeared at times due to my mental health being at its "worst". Always seems terribly bad when you are going through a bad time, when really its not all that afterwards and the next time is just terrible again. It really is a viscous and cruel cycle.Â
My time here on MyFreeCams has been rather really rewarding I have found. When I first started camming my first site was here and boy! has it ever grown over time. I still remember the first LIVE stream, and the first week and probably at least half of my first month, that was MESSSYYYYYY. Oh for sure it was messy, I was a nervous and entirely shy. My speaking abilities were almost completely gone my anxiety had eaten the majority of that skill away, it was shaky and unsure; heck it even wavered and trembled at times. Within the first not even 10 minutes of my first broadcast I was ready and full prepared to quit. Gee am I ever sure glad that I didn't stop there and that I persevere through it all. My first week gradually got better, I wore always shackles around my ankles for it help "ground" me in a sense and helped with my anxiety for I felt safe. Pretty much created myself my own safe space with being in front if the camera broadcasting to you supportive and incredible beings. Well the shackles helped out an incredible amount and I more found my voice, and I was surprised at how much of a fiery little sex kitten laid underneath all that is me! that was waiting to come out. The me that is Shy, Un-confident, has Poor Self Esteem, Low Body Image, VERY Shy Sexually, and Mostly Kept to Myself. Camming had become my outlet for the suppressed version of myself, an outlet that I never really realized before just how much I needed it in my life.
Let me start this off right, now at least. LOL So when I first got into camming it was out of curiosity, excitement, a chance to be a different version of me(though that part didn't work out so much as I became more comfortable more of really who I am came out), and a incredibly amazing opportunity to work on my own personal self image. Yes making a little extra through your gracious donations has always been a bonus! Yet was never an expectation or something I actively actively sought out. Yes, I do request and encourage donations but at the end of the day they are not the main thing that I base a success off of (given I don't really need for if bills were due of course). Why have I stuck with camming despite my struggles, or hiatus moments? Simply because you guys! That really is it you guys are something that when I am able and capable coherently enough to be "Live" that I do in fact really look forward to, to its even sometimes helped me get through the day. What do I mean "Body Image Issues", I have been asked this lots in at least the first year and then some. I despite being smaller and petite have always struggled with the way that I look, and accepting it. I get extremely self conscious randomly at times but am always very aware of how I look and a vast majority of the time it makes me uncomfortable so much so I do not what so ever want to show me, or even parts or my full body to anyone! like at all!! My self esteem (thinking poorly) is on the lower side as I don't really see highly of myself to even so much as the way that I look. I have done the whole "yeah my tummy looks good but...." "yeah I have nice tits, but..." or my favorite( still my favorite) "don't look at the top half its not that great here look at my ass" simply just to get peoples attention off my more insecure areas that I don't clearly like as much. Why keep camming if I feel this way you probably are wondering? That's an easy answer, because I do not struggle with those same problems anymore at least not multiple times a day, not daily; maybe weekly sure but who the hell doesn't? We are all human, we are not perfect and never will be. We can strive for perfectionism doesn't mean that we will ever attain it though. Here is a question for you: if you were scared to do something but knew in the pit of your stomach that doing whatever it is that scares you so consistently as you possibly an and keep coming back to it would you not then o after it? If it stops you why are you letting fear control your life? It should be you controlling fear not the other way around.
Two and a half years later from wee Little Zoe and her overwhelming amount of stupid and useless insecurities, is still your favorite little Zoe. Still the same Zoe here to give you a little dose of her. Yet in all actuallity of it all, I am. Two and a half years later and I am still a camgirl. two and a half years and I still look forward to every time I get on cam and see your sexy beasts of faces. I kid you not, for two and a half years in my day planner every day that I can have a free moment says the sites I cam on on those days, for that is me committing to an effort to jump online and see you darlings.
Yes I know my videos are not that great, but at least I have some to have improved on all this time. Yes I have camgirl promo that I do give away for free at Taboo shows, as a free chance to Meet AND Greet with me but also give you a shot at getting one and not having to purchase it. Do I have many pictures? ON my SnapChat I sure as hell do! but you would have to subscribe and put up with me... OHHHH Nooo! Put up with me for a full month and my shenanigans every day for 30/31 days? (Yes February is 28 but I extend that month to be 30 Days). What ever will you do??? My only thought is why not try and help add to those moments, or you can just ignore me and have a better chance at talking with me more relaxed then when I am live. Yes I know I am not always on when I fully say I will be or am trying for, and believe me from the very bottom of my heart I am deeply DEEPLY Sorry about that. I really am! Do I wish I had an easier time jumping online whenever I want?!? OF FREAKING COURSE I DO! So please be patient with me, I really am giving it my all to be live even when I'm curled up in a little ball sobbing my eyes out. Trust it ain't that cute or pretty but I still try and collect myself and compose myself to be able to sit on cam and not have my anxiety or depression or other mental disorders show much or distract me away from you when I do finally become Live.
I'm going to stop writing her for this post and will further tell more of me in the last year and half even if not all of it is that great or all that pretty to talk about. Have to have the ugly with the pretty right? That's why I have you my beautiful Little Freaks! whom I am ever so lucky and thankful to have
Though it has not been easy and at times has tried me dearly to almost no ends you all made it worth it in the end, I will do my best to update this little blog weekly although if I get distraught to discouraged please do not be negative about it for that will be when I need your positivity the most! Yes I do struggle with many mental disorders as I am sure some of you are aware, a few like depression and anxiety to say the least. I know what you're thinking so what? so do most of us who cares? Well, the simple truth is that I care. I care about my mental and physical health just about as much as I care for your well being though I do not know you fully or on a very personal level you still crossed into my life and for that I am thankful and hope for nothing more than good fortune comes your way.
I have been on MyFreeCams now for what feels like an insane amount of time but in fact I'm only nearing maybe my third year come April!! Time sure does fly when you're cumming. LOL I have met with a lot of wonderful little freaks though not many of you really have become regulars or had been some of my regulars that never stayed around long to much after I disappeared at times due to my mental health being at its "worst". Always seems terribly bad when you are going through a bad time, when really its not all that afterwards and the next time is just terrible again. It really is a viscous and cruel cycle.Â
My time here on MyFreeCams has been rather really rewarding I have found. When I first started camming my first site was here and boy! has it ever grown over time. I still remember the first LIVE stream, and the first week and probably at least half of my first month, that was MESSSYYYYYY. Oh for sure it was messy, I was a nervous and entirely shy. My speaking abilities were almost completely gone my anxiety had eaten the majority of that skill away, it was shaky and unsure; heck it even wavered and trembled at times. Within the first not even 10 minutes of my first broadcast I was ready and full prepared to quit. Gee am I ever sure glad that I didn't stop there and that I persevere through it all. My first week gradually got better, I wore always shackles around my ankles for it help "ground" me in a sense and helped with my anxiety for I felt safe. Pretty much created myself my own safe space with being in front if the camera broadcasting to you supportive and incredible beings. Well the shackles helped out an incredible amount and I more found my voice, and I was surprised at how much of a fiery little sex kitten laid underneath all that is me! that was waiting to come out. The me that is Shy, Un-confident, has Poor Self Esteem, Low Body Image, VERY Shy Sexually, and Mostly Kept to Myself. Camming had become my outlet for the suppressed version of myself, an outlet that I never really realized before just how much I needed it in my life.
Let me start this off right, now at least. LOL So when I first got into camming it was out of curiosity, excitement, a chance to be a different version of me(though that part didn't work out so much as I became more comfortable more of really who I am came out), and a incredibly amazing opportunity to work on my own personal self image. Yes making a little extra through your gracious donations has always been a bonus! Yet was never an expectation or something I actively actively sought out. Yes, I do request and encourage donations but at the end of the day they are not the main thing that I base a success off of (given I don't really need for if bills were due of course). Why have I stuck with camming despite my struggles, or hiatus moments? Simply because you guys! That really is it you guys are something that when I am able and capable coherently enough to be "Live" that I do in fact really look forward to, to its even sometimes helped me get through the day. What do I mean "Body Image Issues", I have been asked this lots in at least the first year and then some. I despite being smaller and petite have always struggled with the way that I look, and accepting it. I get extremely self conscious randomly at times but am always very aware of how I look and a vast majority of the time it makes me uncomfortable so much so I do not what so ever want to show me, or even parts or my full body to anyone! like at all!! My self esteem (thinking poorly) is on the lower side as I don't really see highly of myself to even so much as the way that I look. I have done the whole "yeah my tummy looks good but...." "yeah I have nice tits, but..." or my favorite( still my favorite) "don't look at the top half its not that great here look at my ass" simply just to get peoples attention off my more insecure areas that I don't clearly like as much. Why keep camming if I feel this way you probably are wondering? That's an easy answer, because I do not struggle with those same problems anymore at least not multiple times a day, not daily; maybe weekly sure but who the hell doesn't? We are all human, we are not perfect and never will be. We can strive for perfectionism doesn't mean that we will ever attain it though. Here is a question for you: if you were scared to do something but knew in the pit of your stomach that doing whatever it is that scares you so consistently as you possibly an and keep coming back to it would you not then o after it? If it stops you why are you letting fear control your life? It should be you controlling fear not the other way around.
Two and a half years later from wee Little Zoe and her overwhelming amount of stupid and useless insecurities, is still your favorite little Zoe. Still the same Zoe here to give you a little dose of her. Yet in all actuallity of it all, I am. Two and a half years later and I am still a camgirl. two and a half years and I still look forward to every time I get on cam and see your sexy beasts of faces. I kid you not, for two and a half years in my day planner every day that I can have a free moment says the sites I cam on on those days, for that is me committing to an effort to jump online and see you darlings.
Yes I know my videos are not that great, but at least I have some to have improved on all this time. Yes I have camgirl promo that I do give away for free at Taboo shows, as a free chance to Meet AND Greet with me but also give you a shot at getting one and not having to purchase it. Do I have many pictures? ON my SnapChat I sure as hell do! but you would have to subscribe and put up with me... OHHHH Nooo! Put up with me for a full month and my shenanigans every day for 30/31 days? (Yes February is 28 but I extend that month to be 30 Days). What ever will you do??? My only thought is why not try and help add to those moments, or you can just ignore me and have a better chance at talking with me more relaxed then when I am live. Yes I know I am not always on when I fully say I will be or am trying for, and believe me from the very bottom of my heart I am deeply DEEPLY Sorry about that. I really am! Do I wish I had an easier time jumping online whenever I want?!? OF FREAKING COURSE I DO! So please be patient with me, I really am giving it my all to be live even when I'm curled up in a little ball sobbing my eyes out. Trust it ain't that cute or pretty but I still try and collect myself and compose myself to be able to sit on cam and not have my anxiety or depression or other mental disorders show much or distract me away from you when I do finally become Live.
I'm going to stop writing her for this post and will further tell more of me in the last year and half even if not all of it is that great or all that pretty to talk about. Have to have the ugly with the pretty right? That's why I have you my beautiful Little Freaks! whom I am ever so lucky and thankful to have
