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First Duo Partner

So right around the time that I had first started getting into camming there was another that was also under my master.  We did our best to get along, and funny enough she also stared camming around the same time. Not going to lie or to sugar coat it we did have our differences as well as things that we were after. I wanted to create another person I could be friends with, she more wanted my master which I didn't find out till long after lots of different various events had come and gone. Now I am not here to bad mouth anyone or anything like that which is why I will refrain from getting into too much details.
Anyways due to the fact we both shared a common master between us and we both were now camming at this point it had come up why don't we both cam together? Great question, we seemed like we were getting along just fine and shows were going decently for the most part....
That is if you don't mind always having to be in an impaired state around "each other," or at least for the most part she had to. She was difficult to work with a fair amount of the time especially if we were all out of alcohol, or we had no narcotics of any form to consume. Things kept further going more and more downhill the more that I requested we hung out soberly besides at my work where we both worked out at too since near the end of it i was working at a gym.
You are all free to know fully who I used to cam with, she barely is ever on now a days but her username here on MyFreeCams was or still is XDemon.GirlX . If you like her shows please by all means continue to watch them, if you don't that is alright no one is making you; you're always welcome in my room so long as you hopefully don't lurk. I really am not a huge fan of you just sitting there chilling in my room and doing nothing, yes it is great to have company but no one just wants to be awkwardly gawked at and nothing being said or no contributions being made. If you want to be in my room GREAT! don't have anything to donate with? that is okay!! you can still talk. Have tokens to donate but don't want to yet, fine then you can still converse. Want to do both splendid it'll be an incredible time. Camming with Demon has opened my eyes as to more of who I don't really want to be on cam or what I do not much want to allow in my room for things to happen.
Do I think it is unfortunate that we couldn't resolve our differences and still be able to gt along and talk to even cam together? Absolutely, she has the full ability to be a very pleasant and enjoyable person to be around and even cam with.
Though at the same time I know I will make the most of situations like Taboo if we both happen to be there to try and get along and make the atmosphere enjoyable for both, for I honestly think that is the right thing that a cam model should do and keep the drama and bullshit outside and away from those that want to have a good time.
But that is a very much summed up version of my experience with my first female cam model.

Year 1

Over the course of the first year there were a lot of different sort of things that happened. My depression at times would keep me away or I would almost like be in and out of being sick what seemed like constantly. I think I had also moved once or twice that only helped delay my efforts to being on more. I had lost a laptop due to the screen getting smashed from when my very good friend saved me from sexual assault. He had been kind enough to replace my laptop within the last couple of days that he was visiting me as that was the only source of income at the time for a good roughly 4 months at least as I wasn't able to find work at that point in time so I made myself useful and made myself readily available to you gems. Heck there were moments of "marathons" of me streaming for days straight barely resting; well was rarely tired due to insomnia mostly but because you little freaks kept my attention so well it helped me stay awake.
The webcam eventually was upgraded to my HD one now, instead of relying on what shitty installed ones were in the laptop. Or I think it was that I had started and always had the HD one but would sometimes use the newer webcam in the laptop when it was replaced cause I had it so set up for me to be in one of two areas and depending on which wouldn't need to adjust the camera or laptop.I believe this was the case for my original laptop never had a webcam. It never took me long to get a bunch of various toys sorta. I still even to this day mostly choose ones I am more a fan of or like versus going out and having multiple different styles or accessories for that matter.
One very well used perk at the start was the fact I am a big Halloween person absolutely love it and celebrate it every year one way or another. Well I was lucky enough to work at a Halloween store for a couple of years back to back and managed to acquire an assortment of costumes that I now refer to as my tickle trunk. This is great for I always have a supply of costumes at my disposal the only downside of it all is never ever knowing which one you want to wear. I have worn many of my costumes no where close to half of them on cam so far and do intent to wear more hopefully soon now that it is October! but even randomly more again throughout the year.
Made it almost one full camming year before I lost the only family member that I had left, my identical twin sister Katherine the day before our birthday. Was really hard to deal with and still is a bit we were so very close and even though she is gone I do still fully celebrate our "second birthday" since one day was never enough for us for two girls to celebrate a birthday. So every July 25, exactly 6 months away from our real birthday we would have a second party. Was amazing and a real way we celebrated us being alive. If you ever hear me refer to my second birthday you will now fully understand why. Please!! I sincerely ask this of you if it is January, or July 25 PLEASE make sure I'm celebrating my birthdays; if i'm not please then try to help make my day a little brighter and worth celebrating help me keep the memory of my twin alive. Yes these are usually the two days in a year I will more freely drink.

The Beginning

First off let me just state that I am entirely new to blogs and how they're supposed to be done! So forgive me if i'm doing it wrong.
In the beginning... Well what is there really to say but the fact that I sort of knew what I liked to some degree and play at times of different assortments, to just naturally was drawn to certain things. As for being vocal about it, Hahaha that's entirely comical beyond belief. I was the .... errr still am the type of girl that will walk into a sex store and my head naturally bows down and I more trail at a slow pace on my own or if I am with people then I follow behind them primarily looking at my feet and not speaking very loud or if I did it primarily was mumbled and uncertain. The difference is I didn't have the confidence I have now to own up to some of my naughty little desires, or confess to what turns me on or gets me going for that matter.
Live?... Well without the shackles on I wouldn't really move or even talk besides the polite "welcome, how are you?' that a great majority if not all of you are all to familiar with from just about every cam model. When shackled it was like a whole another world then! For then I was in my play and safe space; where I was in control and had final say. It probably was the power that came from being in that position that helped me warm up the most.
One thing I think that probably surprised me the most what items it was that I was willing to do for what donation amounts. You will notice that I do try and refrain from "tokens", "tip", "pay" or assortments like that where a business transaction would more occur. I'm here for "business" but i'm not here for business or even business transaction. I am literally here to do what ever the hell I want and I am going to enjoy it an not have it feel like work! Still to this day that is exactly what I do, do with of course the in-centralization, or donations to help encourage more things for me to do, or stay on longer, or more make it about you. As long as you are having fun, then there is a really good chance that I too will be enjoying myself but if its not beneficial to both of us then that's were I start to pipe up and say something.
One thing I never understood what a darling could do would be: 
`~coming into the room and just TROLLING, blatantly making it obvious you're just sitting there hand on your cock playing with yourself here for a free show and not helping to add to the room. OR
~coming into the room not say anything and then just leave as soon as you're greeted, or right as you get greeted....
it really is kinda creepy, not only that it is a bit on the extremely rude side of things. If I am  being curtious to be kind and polite to you I would love it if the same was returned. Not only that it kinda is a bit hurtful cause one easily can take it as if you don't view them good enough or appealing to you that they're jut ugly or "disgusting" and last thing is a model feeling that way. Always has bothered me when people decide to do this .
One thing I know I was okay being more verbal about at the beginning that I am a bit more shy about now is wanting to have a plug in almost all the time, and it was featured in the donation menu for the longest time. Never really sure why it was taken out either just happened one day. The other and is still a prime featured item is Spankings!!! God did I ever and still really do  enjoy being spanked. Doesn't matter if it was Pussy Spankings, Regular Spanking, Paddled Spanking, Big Paddle Spanking, or a lashing with a cane for a spank... They all are very much thoroughly enjoyed and at times I can be strongly opinionated and think that"this little brat needs her ass beat, just a spanking might be enough" though the reality of it one is never enough.

Thanks

I just wanted to take the time to reach out personally and thank each and every single individual whom I've had the experience to even with some a great pleasure in our paths crossing since I embarked on the camgirl path....
Though it has not been easy and at times has tried me dearly to almost no ends you all made it worth it in the end, I will do my best to update this little blog weekly although if I get distraught to discouraged please do not be negative about it for that will be when I need your positivity the most! Yes I do struggle with many mental disorders as I am sure some of you are aware, a few like depression and anxiety to say the least. I know what you're thinking so what? so do most of us who cares? Well, the simple truth is that I care. I care about my mental and physical health just about as much as I care for your well being though I do not know you fully or on a very personal level you still crossed into my life and for that I am thankful and hope for nothing more than good fortune comes your way.
I have been on MyFreeCams now for what feels like an insane amount of time but in fact I'm only nearing maybe my third year come April!! Time sure does fly when you're cumming. LOL I have met with a lot of wonderful little freaks though not many of you really have become regulars or had been some of my regulars that never stayed around long to much after I disappeared at times due to my mental health being at its "worst". Always seems terribly bad when you are going through a bad time, when really its not all that afterwards and the next time is just terrible again. It really is a viscous and cruel cycle. 
My time here on MyFreeCams has been rather really rewarding I have found. When I first started camming my first site was here and boy! has it ever grown over time. I still remember the first LIVE stream, and the first week and probably at least half of my first month, that was MESSSYYYYYY. Oh for sure it was messy, I was a nervous and entirely shy. My speaking abilities were almost completely gone my anxiety had eaten the majority of that skill away, it was shaky and unsure; heck it even wavered and trembled at times. Within the first not even 10 minutes of my first broadcast I was ready and full prepared to quit. Gee am I ever sure glad that I didn't stop there and that I persevere through it all. My first week gradually got better, I wore always shackles around my ankles for it help "ground" me in a sense and helped with my anxiety for I felt safe. Pretty much created myself my own safe space with being in front if the camera broadcasting to you supportive and incredible beings. Well the shackles helped out an incredible amount and I more found my voice, and I was surprised at how much of a fiery little sex kitten laid underneath all that is me! that was waiting to come out. The me that is Shy, Un-confident, has Poor Self Esteem, Low Body Image, VERY Shy Sexually, and Mostly Kept to Myself. Camming had become my outlet for the suppressed version of myself, an outlet that I never really realized before just how much I needed it in my life.
Let me start this off right, now at least. LOL So when I first got into camming it was out of curiosity, excitement, a chance to be a different version of me(though that part didn't work out so much as I became more comfortable more of really who I am came out), and a incredibly amazing opportunity to work on my own personal self image. Yes making a little extra through your gracious donations has always been a bonus! Yet was never an expectation or something I actively actively sought out. Yes, I do request and encourage donations but at the end of the day they are not the main thing that I base a success off of (given I don't really need for if bills were due of course). Why have I stuck with camming despite my struggles, or hiatus moments? Simply because you guys! That really is it you guys are something that when I am able and capable coherently enough to be "Live" that I do in fact really look forward to, to its even sometimes helped me get through the day. What do I mean "Body Image Issues", I have been asked this lots in at least the first year and then some. I despite being smaller and petite have always struggled with the way that I look, and accepting it. I get extremely self conscious randomly at times but am always very aware of how I look and a vast majority of the time it makes me uncomfortable so much so I do not what so ever want to show me, or even parts or my full body to anyone! like at all!! My self esteem (thinking poorly) is on the lower side as I don't really see highly of myself to even so much as the way that I look. I have done the whole "yeah my tummy looks good but...." "yeah I have nice tits, but..." or my favorite( still my favorite) "don't look at the top half its not that great here look at my ass" simply just to get peoples attention off my more insecure areas that I don't clearly like as much. Why keep camming if I feel this way you probably are wondering? That's an easy answer, because I do not struggle with those same problems anymore at least not multiple times a day, not daily; maybe weekly sure but who the hell doesn't? We are all human, we are not perfect and never will be. We can strive for perfectionism doesn't mean that we will ever attain it though. Here is a question for you: if you were scared to do something but knew in the pit of your stomach that doing whatever it is that scares you so consistently as you possibly an and keep coming back to it would you not then o after it? If it stops you why are you letting fear control your life? It should be you controlling fear not the other way around.
Two and a half years later from wee Little Zoe and her overwhelming amount of stupid and useless insecurities, is still your favorite little Zoe. Still the same Zoe here to give you a little dose of her. Yet in all actuallity of it all, I am. Two and a half years later and I am still a camgirl. two and a half years and I still look forward to every time I get on cam and see your sexy beasts of faces. I kid you not, for two and a half years in my day planner every day that I can have a free moment says the sites I cam on on those days, for that is me committing to an effort to jump online and see you darlings.
Yes I know my videos are not that great, but at least I have some to have improved on all this time. Yes I have camgirl promo that I do give away for free at Taboo shows, as a free chance to Meet AND Greet with me but also give you a shot at getting one and not having to purchase it. Do I have many pictures? ON my SnapChat I sure as hell do! but you would have to subscribe and put up with me... OHHHH Nooo! Put up with me for a full month and my shenanigans every day for 30/31 days? (Yes February is 28 but I extend that month to be 30 Days). What ever will you do??? My only thought is why not try and help add to those moments, or you can just ignore me and have a better chance at talking with me more relaxed then when I am live. Yes I know I am not always on when I fully say I will be or am trying for, and believe me from the very bottom of my heart I am deeply DEEPLY Sorry about that. I really am! Do I wish I had an easier time jumping online whenever I want?!? OF FREAKING COURSE I DO! So please be patient with me, I really am giving it my all to be live even when I'm curled up in a little ball sobbing my eyes out. Trust it ain't that cute or pretty but I still try and collect myself and compose myself to be able to sit on cam and not have my anxiety or depression or other mental disorders show much or distract me away from you when I do finally become Live.
I'm going to stop writing her for this post and will further tell more of me in the last year and half even if not all of it is that great or all that pretty to talk about. Have to have the ugly with the pretty right? That's why I have you my beautiful Little Freaks! whom I am ever so lucky and thankful to have