You hear it all too often, when a friend or family member (or random stranger two tables over) vents out their frustrations. Maybe their husband snapped at them for asking too many questions. Or perhaps a friend is giving them the silent treatment for 'no good reason'. Youâve probably heard the curses of a girlfriend, upset with her boyfriend whoâs 'acting like he did nothing wrong when he should very well know he was flirting with that redhead at the bar last night!'
Over time, you start to pick up on a common theme. Something like âS/he should know how I feel!â or âS/he should know what they did was wrong/stupid/insensitive/hurtfulâ â you can insert pretty much anything here and you canât go wrong.
It seems that everyone expects others to be able to automatically know. You should know when your boyfriend needs space to be with the guys; you should know what you did or said or didnât do or didnât say to make your friend so upset; your partner should know that the reason youâre asking so many questions is so you can plan around their schedule, accordingly. People should just know these things.
On the flip sideâŚ
Now letâs look at things from a different angle. Have you ever spent your night staring at the screen of your phone, reading and rereading your message history with that certain someone, obsessing over the possibility that youâve said something wrong or maybe didnât say something when you shouldâve? Maybe you go through your day with a situation on instant replay, wondering if you shouldâve said this or done that. Maybe you spend the week worrying that you said something that left a bitter aftertaste at the end of what seemed to be a perfect date.
We spend so much of our time filling ourselves with anger and confusion that sometimes we forget just how simple it is to reach out and say something.
In relationships, itâs so easy to fall under the impression that this person, who youâve known for months or years, knows you inside out, backwards and forwards. At times it can be amazing and it seems as though they can read your mind and vice versa. We take advantage over these small moments of brilliance, unable to appreciate this light until a shadow appears. Itâs in times of disagreement, frustration, and anger that we expect this clairvoyance to emerge stronger than ever, only to see our expectations crushed. We then end up stuck in a place of confusion and hurt because weâre angry at this person who should know why youâre angry at them and they. just. arenât. getting it!
Over time, you start to pick up on a common theme. Something like âS/he should know how I feel!â or âS/he should know what they did was wrong/stupid/insensitive/hurtfulâ â you can insert pretty much anything here and you canât go wrong.
It seems that everyone expects others to be able to automatically know. You should know when your boyfriend needs space to be with the guys; you should know what you did or said or didnât do or didnât say to make your friend so upset; your partner should know that the reason youâre asking so many questions is so you can plan around their schedule, accordingly. People should just know these things.
On the flip sideâŚ
Now letâs look at things from a different angle. Have you ever spent your night staring at the screen of your phone, reading and rereading your message history with that certain someone, obsessing over the possibility that youâve said something wrong or maybe didnât say something when you shouldâve? Maybe you go through your day with a situation on instant replay, wondering if you shouldâve said this or done that. Maybe you spend the week worrying that you said something that left a bitter aftertaste at the end of what seemed to be a perfect date.
We spend so much of our time filling ourselves with anger and confusion that sometimes we forget just how simple it is to reach out and say something.
In relationships, itâs so easy to fall under the impression that this person, who youâve known for months or years, knows you inside out, backwards and forwards. At times it can be amazing and it seems as though they can read your mind and vice versa. We take advantage over these small moments of brilliance, unable to appreciate this light until a shadow appears. Itâs in times of disagreement, frustration, and anger that we expect this clairvoyance to emerge stronger than ever, only to see our expectations crushed. We then end up stuck in a place of confusion and hurt because weâre angry at this person who should know why youâre angry at them and they. just. arenât. getting it!
âBut maybe if you told herâŚIâm sure if she knew how you feltââ
âYeah, but the thing is, I shouldnât have to tell her. She should know.â
The unfortunate reality is that we donât live in a world of mind readers âon second thought, thatâs probably a good thing. Sometimes itâs easier to just say how you feel and why youâre feeling the way youâre feeling. Just get it all out there. What have you got to lose? Your feelings are your own, and in order for someone else to understand, sympathize, or even empathize with your feelings you have to tell them.
As strong as a relationship can be, simple things like explaining your feelings can still be a challenge. But if itâs a choice between cluttering my mind with thoughts, holding a grudge, or getting something off my chest by telling others how you feel? I know which option I'd pick.
Give it a try. Itâll be worth it. I promise.
