Hey babez! 

Wow!

Where do I even start??

Okay, well: the last time I was camming consistently, was March of 2020. That was a magical time. I had just won a room at the upcumming MFC Social #4 (with your help of course!!).
I was participating in TIP WARS (lil Eevee couldn't EVER imagine that!), and I had ended the month just a few spots shy of top 1000!! Can you believe all that? I barely could! I'm still grateful to this day!

Well, everything went to fucking shit next month when things closed down (necessary, yes!), which meant MY folks were home all the time now!

Suddenly, camming felt a lil' awkward!

So many things went down. I had to euthanize my LadyBird. My great grandma passed.

And at the end of those grieving periods...I'm suddenly the most alone I've ever been.

No, not in a bad way! In a way that means I can cam whenever I want, however I want, where ever I want! How's that for a twist?

Okay, that's all and good, but what about before 2020?

Okay. I wanted to cam so bad. In fact, I had saved specifically to move out, to cam more!

I won't go into TOO many details because that past has passed...

But to put it simply: I moved into a fixer upper...and it was very embarrassing to constantly have people asking why there was a giant crack running through half the room.  (Yes, the jokes write themselves in a room like that, but I wasn't laughing!!)

So, I started working at a BDSM dungeon because I wanted to move AGAIN, but couldn't work how I was used to.

I got really cozy at that dungeon! Sanctuary Studios LAX. In fact, I cammed there in 2020 a handful of times (I also have content I made there! Go find it on my Share!) I was a Professional Submissive, and then a Professional Switch!

It got me through what I can only describe as, the lowest I had ever succumbed.

My Dear Reader,

I was so close to losing a 10 year battle with depression. 

I believe in 2018 alone, I was admitted to the psych ward 2, maybe 3 times. (The first time was the most memorable, but that was back in 2011 loooool, they blend together after that)

It's all good though! I am a fighter! One of the last times was my voluntary admittance, meaning I was REALLY trying to hold on.

And hold on I DID.

Fuck, dudes. FUCK.

Pretty much....2018-2019...I fell to my lowest weight of 108 lbs. It was hard to eat. I was in an environment where my bony body was encouraged. Where my ideas to gain more were discouraged. I had some people comment that I had lost weight...but my partner at the time said I was fine. So in my mind...I was.
I was self medicating with alcohol, a cope I had picked up in 2010...leading up to that first ever ward visit. 
Basically, I was a borderline alcoholic anorexic...without knowing. I was really far down my depression. I didn't know how I was hurting my body in ways I hadn't meant to.

Really, no one knew. I hid it well enough.

I thought I was okay. At least, I thought I had no reason to complain.

My life was theoretically "perfect". All I ever really wanted was a King Size bed...and I got it. 
Would you believe that a King Size makes you feel extra lonely when you're sharing it with someone who's not right for you? Duh. Right?

I was living in a house that was fancier than the one I had moved away from (Not saying much...it was in Compton but it had a heater, AC, and no holes in the walls or in the floors apart from that crack). I was gifted a BMW (2001...which is funny looking back but I REALLY loved that car. I had a few chances to trade in and I didn't).

I'm not ready to talk about THIS side of my life yet...but I felt extremely "middle class" in comparison to my upbringing. Yeah, AC and heating in Compton, CA is my idea of middle class. What does that say about Me? I'll tell you when I'm done processing and overcoming it! 

ANYWAYS, Honestly, I was trapped. I had had two abortions (2014 & 2015), but I was still trapped. 
I wasn't allowed to pay rent...being "taken care" of....and then I was always "kicked out" during arguments...in the same breathe being told that my parents don't want me back home. 
Yes, the person "taking care of" and "kicking me out" would discourage me from seeking my family's help when I was trying my hardest to take those orders to leave seriously. 

I don't like going into all those little details, but I really want to clarify that by 2019, I was broken. In my mind, my parents didn't want me. No one wanted me. I sure as fuck didn't, who even was I? If anything, I was Lucky to even be on Earth anymore.

It wasn't until I genuinely asked God for help, that he brought my Lady Bird to Me. 

Lady Bird was the main reason I moved back in with my parents.  She seemed happier around them, instead of at our (then) house.

2019...was a wild ride. I shaved my hair off for my birthday, a metamorphosis.

Soon after, I left that situation. 

It wasn't as simple as it's written. I left that situation...and I found myself in the midst of losing everything.

I lost the friends I had up to that year. It's interesting. The moment I needed them more than ever...was the moment they were more than happy to ghost me. I'm talking, people who told me I was their "best friend" and that I "made them believe in God" with my personality...were suddenly aware that I am a human with struggles of my own...and they didn't want to be associated with it when it slipped out those last months of 2019.

That part actually really broke me. 

I felt like...if I wasn't ~Happy Eevee with a smile on her face and her body skinny as can be~...I was no one and nothing at all.

Wanna know what's worse? After being ghosted those last months, I tried getting closure at AVN 2020...just for that "friend" to tell everyone I was aggressive and who knows what else. 
For asking if we could talk about it. 
No, I didn't raise my voice or get physical. 
Imagine? I'd have been kicked out of the private Doja Cat  MFC concert we were at if that was anywhere near being true. 
No, I left it alone after being snapped at (quite aggressively, I may add).

^
That last part is just a lil cam girl drama. I actually have no interest in airing information like that...but I found out that same person STILL brings me up at her own parties as of 2022! LOL.  
 
Correct me if I'm wrong...but if parties are supposed to be fun...and I'm the topic of conversation repeatedly...then I'm STILL the life of the party all these years later. ^_~

Well, that's validating enough for Me!  

I'm so glad our mutual cam girl friend informed Me of that, unless she's lying. <3 

Damn, what even is this blog?

It's REAL. That's what THIS is.

HELLO WORLD, MY FREE CAMS, and BEYOND.

I am EROTIC EEVEE ^_^ <3

I AM BACK.

I've been to rock bottom over and over again- and you know what? I made a home of these Rocky Mountains. Peak, fall off, peak, fall off, peak, fall off...and then SHAKE to create even more peaks!

I have no problem being THIS corny because I am vegan & eat corn up. nomnomnom. 

I'm so fucking tired of hiding who I am & who I WAS.

I'm finally ready to seriously cam, and LIVE how I've always wanted to.

But my comment about peaking applies more to life. (Which I'm blogging about here since I'm too lazy to figure out my Tumblr log in lol)

Everyone is commenting on how happy I seem- and it's because I am.

I'm genuinely so happy to be alive, and to be where I am.

I'm happy I didn't die.

I'm happy after the heart breaks that I spent so long trying to patch up away from view of My cam.

I'm happy to be single after the trauma of wasting away for another human's validation.

I'm happy to have been protected by the rejection of someone who uses the mental anguish I went through as a funny lil conversation at their parties. 

This blog will matter to whoever it matters to.

It matters to Me regardless.

Sep 2022 Eevee is different from Sep 2019 Eevee...and yet I reflect back on 2019 Eevee with so much fondness and love because I wouldn't be Me without Her strength. 

SO:

Where was I? Hell.

Where am I now? Heaven.

Where am I going? Fucking NO WHERE, it's time to have fun!! 

This blog may be messy and all over the place- but you guys have witnessed me at SO many different points in my life. I could lie and say I was busy, or I can be straight up and give an honest account of what's been holding me away...as well as the plain nastiness I experienced from the cammunity. 

I'm camming now for Me. 

(& for YOU, Dear Reader! )

May the past stay in the past, and may this blog bring closure to the wounds that nearly drained my life and soul.

Peace out to the people I vaguely blogged about. You may have had the chance to run my name through the mud to your personal audience who knows my identity in full...but actions speak louder than words.  

God, blessed as He be, has allowed me to forgive. I don't talk about you at parties. Or at all. Only to process momentary pain...but other than that, there's so many more fun things to talk about in this beautiful world. I hope that one day, you'll be so excited about your own identity that you won't have to use anyone else' to have a good time.

At least now, the gossip that spreads can lead back to my side. No pun intended.

Okay bye everyone! Thanks for reading! It feels SO good to get that off my chest. Pun intended.  ^_~

xoxo,

Eevee <3