Ok, where do I start. I've actually been keeping very quiet about my financial situation and the current stress/struggle I am under. This is mainly because A) I didn't want to pass that stress/pressure onto anyone else and B) because last tax year it was all you guys ever heard about. One of the happiest days of my life was the 22nd of September (when I got the contraceptive implant out of my arm). I know I tend to go on about this a lot, and my apologies, for, going on about it.. but I feel like it played a very compelling, negative role in my life that, without doubt, controlled the majority of my thoughts, feelings and moods through a hormone imbalance and in turn my actions to cope with those feelings. One of those decisions was my Invisalign. At the time of the hormone imbalance I struggled on a daily basis with depression, suicidal thoughts and extreme feelings of feeling ugly and inferior whenever i looked in the mirror. Please be aware that i do not want any sympathy whatsoever, since I had the implant removed i no longer experience any of those thoughts. Going back to my point though, I wasn't myself, in fact I was very very ill and unaware of why at that time. I made the stupid decision to go ahead with Invisalign, which is still a huge outgoing every month. I'm on a 0% payment plan, the last payment is in July. The reason why I am raising this now and I feel like I need to explain what's going on as a lot of you may be wondering why some goals have been completed but I still have not done them yet (eg boot camp). I didn't realise how much of a problem I was in until i really took a thorough look of my outgoings vs ingoings. Another huge outgoing is my tax bill, which seems to be a lot larger than a lot of other models that i've spoken with. I have an appointment with an accountant next week to try and get to the bottom of it. The past 3 months we've been in the 1600's which is so super and i am so grateful, however in order for me to breakeven I HAVE to rank at top 1000 with the 100$ bonus helping so much too. I think around 45,000 tokens more this month should secure top 1000. Fuck, i hate saying all this as i don't want a single one of you to feel like this is your responsibility or feel in anyway pressured to contribute, I guess I just want to explain that I am inwardly quite stressed... I was expecting my tax bill to be lower because last year i paid a enormous amount too and they said it was for a year and a half in advance.. so i got another massive shock. Basically, implant me left a lot of hiccups for 'now me' and i am desperately trying to clear things up with my new sense of willpower and determination. I have successfully given up smoking - the truth behind this is that I cannot afford to even buy them - ironic isn't it.. something good came out of something bad. I am being extremely disciplined with myself and this is really hard considering how much 'things' such as fashion etc are thrown in our face on a daily basis through advertisements. I no longer go into shops and I have deleted all my cards off of Amazon. I am living the most frugal life I have ever lived. One thing that i have kept is my Spotify premium - i think i'd go mad without it. I have a food, cat food and petrol budget and those are literally the only things I am using any extra money for. The rest needs to absolutely be in my account for when all the payments come out. This is a huge learning curb for me and I can safely say something like this will never happen again, I overstretched myself on quite a grand level. I cannot wait for my teeth payments to be over (but my straight teeth will last a lifetime and I am wholly grateful for that - it was never a waste). This all sounds so morbid and not something I even really wanted to share with any of you. But i am going mad in my head sometimes and I think letting you guys know will actually help me feel slightly more human. If any of you have/are in this position you will know what it's like.. and if you are in a similar position to me right now, please please put yourself first and never ever feel any pressure to contribute to me if you are having problems yourself - it is horrible and i wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I'm going to be working as hard as i can.. top 1000 April, May, June and July is a must - it's up to me - please dont feel like it's up to any of you alone. All help is seriously, crazily appreciated. It's funny, being this fucked makes you appreciate things 100x more. I've felt clearer than i've ever felt in focus but the depression does come in waves and i don't think this situation helps.. but i just keep telling myself that things will be better come August.