I made my Tinder account . I put about 4 really cool pictures of myself, with a muzzle, big eyes, breasts, except that's how people behave in 2024, and I still wasn't successful. I didn't know what the hell was going on, my mom always told me I was beautiful. I really believed it too. I met a friend, an expert in online dating, who told me that I have to post pictures of my whole body because men will think I'm fat (I have a round face like a watermelon, but my body is really okay) . So I posted pictures of my long legs, skirt, breasts out and all the cutlery. And that's how I started getting all kinds of super likes.

I matched with a guy, Juji It seemed doubtful to me that his name was Juji, but he seemed clean and with up-to-date tests. We started talking. "Ciao, dolls?"(yes dolls not doll smh) Juji wrote to me. I thought he was joking so I answered him and started talking. He told me I was too beautiful for this century, so from the start I realized he was lying. And douche.

I went out with Juji to a mega expensive and cool restaurant in the  city center. Naturally, I got dressed, I got high heels and a black knee-length dress. I looked so good, my god, I even took a picture and posted it on Tinder. I couldn't miss the opportunity.

I went down those two floors from my apartment to the exit door, more on all fours than on heels, I even fell once, I knocked over the pot with the raisin flower of Matilda from 1st floor and I arrived in front of the building to wait for my prince. It didn't come in time, but I was glad that I at least managed to get the dirt out from under my nails in the meantime.(cause i felt not cause i m sticky).

An old, rusty car stops in front of me, with about three cans tied to the back to make a noise, to make the girls die when they see such a car on the street. I could have sworn it was a box on wheels like in the Flintstones, or  whatever you imagine three virgin Russians drinking vodka in and having at most two teeth in their mouths.
The car window is opened, some seed husks are thrown on the window, and I see Juji. My prince on a white horse. On the right, a young girl in her thirties was chewing a gum and occasionally cracking a few seeds.

I climbed into the back. "hello, princess, it's Juji, Juji the Machoman '" says the taxi driver aka the wonderful guy with whom I was about to go on a date. Juji points to the lady in the car, says that that is his sister, we take her to the maternity hospital and then we will go to the restaurant. Okay, I was seriously panicking, but I needed to go out with the guy to see if I could handle a first date.

We arrive at that expensive restaurant. We get out of the driving box. He was wearing  the good tracksuit on, and a shirt under the tracksuit. The clothing style was even the least of Juji's problems. The man was six feet tall with his hands up. I swear. I have never seen such a small man in my life.

We enter the restaurant. A girl was the hostess and asked us if we had a reservation. From behind me, somewhere below, I hear "dayumm girl u so finee dayum !". It was Juji himself, completely impressed by the young lady's huge breasts.

The big titty girl led us to the table. Before he left, Juji asked me to take a picture of him with the ''dayumm'' big titty girl. And so, on my first date, I took a picture of the ''dayum big tittie girl'' for the peasant. Good stuff, Juji said after seeing the picture.
I ordered. I realized that there was no need to order expensive things, as Juji would certainly not pay the bill, so I bought some pasta. "The most expensive bottle of wine for the princess" is heard from the mouth full of seed remains of the hillbillie.

We started to tell stories. He told me he has a super cool job with flexible hours, he's like a businessman who travels a lot, he can move to any city. I was intrigued. I asked him where he works, he told me that he arranges goods at Walmart, you know, that supermarket where they step on babies for oil on sale.

The atmosphere was pleasant. The hillbillie kept spitting at me as he spoke, but nah, you can't have them all. Juji gets up from the table (well, I could barely see him anyway, so I assumed he got up), puts his muzzle in the wine bottle and tells me he's going to pee. That's right. "Go ahead, I'm going to pee."

I waited with interest for Juji's return. I think I waited half an hour. The waiters were elbowing each other, the guy in the bar was laughing. I pretended that I was okay, I told them that my friend had some stomach problems and I was waiting for the hillbillie to come back from the toilet to get the hell out of there because it was a bill of 300$. It's as if I didn't even taste his expensive wine after he put his muzzle full of seed husks in the bottle. I was still awake, on a date with a tired man.
I went to the toilet. No trace of Juji. I sat there for a while noticing that I still had seed pods in my long beautiful hair.

I went outside. Not a trace of that little thing that pretends to be a car. The hillbillie ate seafood, drank 200 $ wine a bottle and left. And so, I was standing in front of the cool downtown restaurant, swearing by all the saints and invoking all possible and impossible relatives of Juji, I went back inside and checked my wallet. I had 50 $, let's say 60 if we count the change. Shit, shit, shit. I called six friends to get the money. Dude, if you see my post (that's if you know how to read), I'm going to shit in your stupid hair.

You would have thought that after such a meeting, I was cured of Tinder. Trust me, this is just the beginning.