After the whole Juji phase, I calmed down. With everything. With dating, with Tinder, with life. I put everything on hiatus and watched The Notebook and all that stuff that desperate girls watch on stopwatch. I also called ''The Moron" and told him that I miss him and then I too, crying all over, wrote to him to shove it up his.... That's right. He blocked me.
After a few bottles of cheap wine, as I'm in my 20s and it seems crazy to spend money on good wine and decent food, I started watching Sex And The City. That classic old one with Sarah Jessica Parker, where that horse-faced chick kept hooking up guys. Let me die, if she can, so can I.
I went to look in the mirror. I was passed out from being drunk, so I didn't see much, but I was absolutely convinced that I was super good. So I'm back on Tinder again.
I was more careful this time, or so I thought. Raresh, a fitness trainer for about 25 years, gave me a Super Like. He was really nice that night, after all that cheap wine. It was an super successful combination of Ryan Gosling and Magic Mike, that mega oily and sexy dancer. I fell in love.
We decided to go to the movies. Something with action, I wasn't interested anyway, but I was super excited to see myself with my Magic Raresh, so all the bastards die of spite when they see me next to the God of hot abs.
I arrived at the cinema. He was already there, he brought me some carnations, I didn't even get to count them, smh. I took them and somehow hid them behind my back, trying not to look disappointed, but who the hell buys carnations in 2024?!?!?! Maybe he thought I was dead.(in my country tradition u only bring carnations to funerals)
We went to buy the tickets. I looked at his feet. I swear I've never seen (and I've seen many men in my entire life) a guy with such thin legs. Think the guy was huge like the size of a closet, but he had spider legs. I started laughing hysterically, behind him, in that queue of a thousand people. And just like that, about 3 guys started laughing from my laugh and the lady at the house was also laughing with tears. Only Raresh, the lover of carnations, was angry in line because his card didn't work (the card was a student card, visibly expired for many years). I paid for the tickets.
I went to the cinema. We sat down and Raresh was no longer silent. I was sitting next to an old man, about 90 years old, who was clearly still sick and dying, but that didn't stop him from eating popcorn non-stop. He was still spitting on the floor, he was constantly choking, but there was a girl next to him who had already called 911 and was waiting for a popcorn to end our agony and send the old man on a free trip to the cemetery. He resisted heroically my man, the whole movie I heard how he choked, spat, blew his snot on the floor, a little on my boots, on the shoes of the girl next to me and in the popcorn bag of the guy in front.
But I wasn't going to let a baboon ruin my date.
Everything seemed perfect, Raresh didn't seem very stupid, he spoke okay, it wasn't that serious. One small thing annoyed me during those 123 minutes. Raresh, my idol with the 6 pack abs, explained the whole movie to me as if I were a moron. "And now, look, that's the main character, and he's going all the way to Istanbul to kill his dad"
"That one died, see? Like, u know, is not breathing at all. That girl crying, that's his girlfriend, she appeared at the beginning of the movie right when..."
"I know, Raresh, I was careful." I cut him off badly, because I couldn't stand this monkey anymore with all his spider looking -like- leg sticks.
“Yes, yes… I'm just explaining to you to make sure you understand.”
Explain to me, you stupid carnation!!! Okay, I didn't tell him that, I smiled back at him and then looked desperately at the guy next to me the old dude, begging him to choke for once with that popcorn so we can get the hell out of here once and for all. He didn't choke, soooo 123 minutes was explained to me like i was blind and detf, a thousand times. Raresh, if you're reading this, to hell with your explanations. You are an ox.
The movie is over. God, I've never been so happy. Raresh asked me to go eat at a restaurant and because I was passed out from hunger and hangover from last night, I accepted.
The problem is that the man didn't want us to go by taxi, because he thinks it's crazy to give money to go by car. I told him that I was paying, but the carnation dude didn't want to. So I waited for a trolleybus, in the rain and freezing like shit. Damn it!
I arrived at the restaurant. You can tell I was starving so I thought I'd order a pizza. I tell the waiter that I want a pizza with everything and garlic sauce, that I wasn't planning on kissing that stingy carnation.
While I was happily ordering all those crazy things, I hear Raresh"Oh, babe, don't you want to eat a salad?"
I got visibly angry and that waiter was smiling under his hideous mustache.
"Hmm, thanks for the suggestion, but I really want to eat a pizza" I answer, grumpily, to the infected hillbillie.
"Think that at your kilos, a pizza is way too much. It has a thousand or so calories, you have to run on the treadmill for a whole day and do a thousand sit-ups... If you were thin, I would understand..."
At the time, I thought I should collar him with those leg sticks and put him back where he came from, with those carnation jingles.
But no, I didn't offend him. I told the waiter that my friend was from the swamp and that he had never eaten any pizza. I asked to get him a glass of tap water, possibly spit a couple of unwashed employees in his damn water and bring me a huge pizza with lots of garlic sauce and then bring me the most big piece of tiramisu.
Raresh the spider legs lord of carnations 1 st of his kind told me I was disgraceful. I told him to go to hell that he is an ox and that he has the thinnest legs in the world.
He left. I also slammed those carnations on his head. And I happily ate all the calorie bombs I wanted. Screw u , your legs and ur salad Raresh oh yes and ur funeral flowers!!! hope u choke with a popcorn!
After a few bottles of cheap wine, as I'm in my 20s and it seems crazy to spend money on good wine and decent food, I started watching Sex And The City. That classic old one with Sarah Jessica Parker, where that horse-faced chick kept hooking up guys. Let me die, if she can, so can I.
I went to look in the mirror. I was passed out from being drunk, so I didn't see much, but I was absolutely convinced that I was super good. So I'm back on Tinder again.
I was more careful this time, or so I thought. Raresh, a fitness trainer for about 25 years, gave me a Super Like. He was really nice that night, after all that cheap wine. It was an super successful combination of Ryan Gosling and Magic Mike, that mega oily and sexy dancer. I fell in love.
We decided to go to the movies. Something with action, I wasn't interested anyway, but I was super excited to see myself with my Magic Raresh, so all the bastards die of spite when they see me next to the God of hot abs.
I arrived at the cinema. He was already there, he brought me some carnations, I didn't even get to count them, smh. I took them and somehow hid them behind my back, trying not to look disappointed, but who the hell buys carnations in 2024?!?!?! Maybe he thought I was dead.(in my country tradition u only bring carnations to funerals)
We went to buy the tickets. I looked at his feet. I swear I've never seen (and I've seen many men in my entire life) a guy with such thin legs. Think the guy was huge like the size of a closet, but he had spider legs. I started laughing hysterically, behind him, in that queue of a thousand people. And just like that, about 3 guys started laughing from my laugh and the lady at the house was also laughing with tears. Only Raresh, the lover of carnations, was angry in line because his card didn't work (the card was a student card, visibly expired for many years). I paid for the tickets.
I went to the cinema. We sat down and Raresh was no longer silent. I was sitting next to an old man, about 90 years old, who was clearly still sick and dying, but that didn't stop him from eating popcorn non-stop. He was still spitting on the floor, he was constantly choking, but there was a girl next to him who had already called 911 and was waiting for a popcorn to end our agony and send the old man on a free trip to the cemetery. He resisted heroically my man, the whole movie I heard how he choked, spat, blew his snot on the floor, a little on my boots, on the shoes of the girl next to me and in the popcorn bag of the guy in front.
But I wasn't going to let a baboon ruin my date.
Everything seemed perfect, Raresh didn't seem very stupid, he spoke okay, it wasn't that serious. One small thing annoyed me during those 123 minutes. Raresh, my idol with the 6 pack abs, explained the whole movie to me as if I were a moron. "And now, look, that's the main character, and he's going all the way to Istanbul to kill his dad"
"That one died, see? Like, u know, is not breathing at all. That girl crying, that's his girlfriend, she appeared at the beginning of the movie right when..."
"I know, Raresh, I was careful." I cut him off badly, because I couldn't stand this monkey anymore with all his spider looking -like- leg sticks.
“Yes, yes… I'm just explaining to you to make sure you understand.”
Explain to me, you stupid carnation!!! Okay, I didn't tell him that, I smiled back at him and then looked desperately at the guy next to me the old dude, begging him to choke for once with that popcorn so we can get the hell out of here once and for all. He didn't choke, soooo 123 minutes was explained to me like i was blind and detf, a thousand times. Raresh, if you're reading this, to hell with your explanations. You are an ox.
The movie is over. God, I've never been so happy. Raresh asked me to go eat at a restaurant and because I was passed out from hunger and hangover from last night, I accepted.
The problem is that the man didn't want us to go by taxi, because he thinks it's crazy to give money to go by car. I told him that I was paying, but the carnation dude didn't want to. So I waited for a trolleybus, in the rain and freezing like shit. Damn it!
I arrived at the restaurant. You can tell I was starving so I thought I'd order a pizza. I tell the waiter that I want a pizza with everything and garlic sauce, that I wasn't planning on kissing that stingy carnation.
While I was happily ordering all those crazy things, I hear Raresh"Oh, babe, don't you want to eat a salad?"
I got visibly angry and that waiter was smiling under his hideous mustache.
"Hmm, thanks for the suggestion, but I really want to eat a pizza" I answer, grumpily, to the infected hillbillie.
"Think that at your kilos, a pizza is way too much. It has a thousand or so calories, you have to run on the treadmill for a whole day and do a thousand sit-ups... If you were thin, I would understand..."
At the time, I thought I should collar him with those leg sticks and put him back where he came from, with those carnation jingles.
But no, I didn't offend him. I told the waiter that my friend was from the swamp and that he had never eaten any pizza. I asked to get him a glass of tap water, possibly spit a couple of unwashed employees in his damn water and bring me a huge pizza with lots of garlic sauce and then bring me the most big piece of tiramisu.
Raresh the spider legs lord of carnations 1 st of his kind told me I was disgraceful. I told him to go to hell that he is an ox and that he has the thinnest legs in the world.
He left. I also slammed those carnations on his head. And I happily ate all the calorie bombs I wanted. Screw u , your legs and ur salad Raresh oh yes and ur funeral flowers!!! hope u choke with a popcorn!
