>pornography: a device for what is “private” to be transformed into the public as spectacle and information; the spectacle of the body as it is made into information. Pornography is sex without faith, sex without sexuality, and sexuality without desire.Â
>pornography: We end back where we began, at the beginning once again, with the body that remains (at work). Our work is endless, and our work never was the work of getting “out” in the first place. (If we do not seek to fix what has been broken, then what?) (Halberstam, Moten, Harney)
>my saving grace
>pay to play: A phrase used for a variety of situations in which money is exchanged to gain access or entrance to certain activities. Pay to play is used in the fields of politics, online gaming, corporate finance, pornography, and prostitution.Â
>pay to play: Maybe there no longer is any intimacy with the self or other except as value. The spectator is no longer alienated, but completely absorbed within the spectacle of the game at hand. Intimacy is sublimated into the value of gratitude; how thankful, special we are to feel let “within.” We aren’t learning to play within the structure of pay; we are learning how to use the structure to tear it down completely. (Preciado)Â
>the internet never was a portal. it always was a mirror. We have known this since the mechanics of freud!
>pornotopia: The imagined site of sexual activity. Remote, isolated, outside. Renewal is omnipotent, readiness is omnipresent. In pornotopia, time is always bedtime, life begins not at birth, but at the moment of sexual awakening, and relations between characters are merely juxtapositions of bodies, body parts, and organs. Language in pornotopia is, at best, a bothersome necessity.
>pornotopia: Oceanic feeling illuminates the transparent network that covers the world, and sensitizes us to the way that everything, lives, moves, corresponds. In psychoanalysis, oceanic feeling is used to describe the ego dissolution that occurs when one regresses to the pre-oedipal mode of being. It is also used to convey the affective state underlying all religious experience. What am I saying? That I tried dreaming myself beyond my constraint, into the ecstasy and exaltation of leaving the self, and this is the agony I ended at, only to begin again. (Where is it we go to escape capitalism’s failure to provide authentic outlets to transcend the personal?) (Sontag, Kristeva)
>the room: What the room offers is not just knowledge, or sex, but the intimacy that comes with the presumption of knowing, the inchoate encounter with sexuality. Autobiography is produced through the erotic narrative of everyday architecture, and the architecture of the everyday. Intimacy in the room is up for sale. In the whorearchy, the room is near the top; the less you need to touch the real, the less “dirty” your work becomes. But the room, or rooms, are a street of their own. The room is a place at the same time that is the dematerialization of place through technological mediation. The room changes you, and the room has itself been changed forever. The room is an exact expression of capital at the same time that it is able to twist the question of capital; it becomes not only a question of what it does to us and our desire; but what we can do to it. Â
>the room: The room is what happens when you try to live your life by theory. (me) Or; the room is the gestures of the pornographer at work. (Barthes)
>pillow princess: The pillow princess is the ultimate position of being done unto. That who receives, and does not return (a gift, a pleasure, a phrase).Â
>pillow princess: Maybe the institution can never be avante-garde, by which I mean compassionate. (S)
>sometimes I think we should all just use each other. And let ourselves be simply and completely used back.Â
>the bimbo: An attractive but unintelligent or frivolous young woman.Â
>the bimbo: I think I need the aching, the hunger, the towards of the sublimity of becoming all surface, the ecstasy of experiencing one’s consciousness as a thing; I can't get there from the entrapment of “thinghood” alone. Transgression means nothing anymore if one is not transgressing against the very notion of the human psyche, personality of subjectivity itself.   (Carter, Szybist, Weil)
>is the bimbo an object or a thing?Â
>private show: For x-- tokens a minute, a client may choose to take you into a private show. The client will receive a non-downloadable copy of the show. For y-- tokens a minute, a different client may “spy” on the private show.Â
>private show: I have dreams of what the photograph of your mother must have looked like. There are some things, I forget, that others don’t know. I expect understanding, or I demand it, and yet, I write around, or I hide behind my own ghosts too. My aloneness doesn’t feel inconspicuous (Ardent), I don’t find comfort in thoughts that wander in a street (Woolf); more often than not, my thought just feels masturabtory. I don’t understand the word “subject” apart from this fact. But I retain the belief in a loneliness, not as it is reduced to the specificity of being “mine,” but in its generality; that when it haunts, it performs a politic of its own. (Barthes)
>I tried it. but i couldn’t be that thing. If anything, I needed the particular within the general not the general within the particular. How inane is that?Â
>the seducer: One must love in order to seduce, and not the other way around. Â
>the seducer: Craziness is desirable, gives the whole world a hard on, until it becomes hysteric, and who is it that gets to decide that? Can’t the angry be loved? Can’t the cruel be loved? Can’t the deranged be loved? The good, I think in being good, is so useless. Just piss on your own leg and warm yourself. (Zhang, Millet, anyone I’ve ever fallen in love with.)
>Of course I am endlessly seduced by my own image. But the seduction is itself a horror. It took me how long to even be able to truly look? I can’t yet tell which is more demeaning, though surely they both somewhat are. to look or be looked at. To seduce or be seduced. Openness to either; to the utter desperation of both.Â
>the chateau: Since Machiavelli, politicians have always known that the mastery of a simulated space is at the source of their power.Â
>the chateau: History as a continuum is not a given; and yet, it is in this same tired reproduction that we seem to continue on. Political power is the right to space itself. We once had the chateau, Machiavellian or Sadean, it doesn’t much matter anymore. Now, we have the room. We are the masters of our own placated desire. There is the porn star that no longer needs a studio, the camgirl that realizes herself through the economy of individuation and neoliberalism; and more so than being the “empowerment” granted by being given a place, are they not, in actuality, simply reducible to the continuum of woman, of “home?” Workers isolated from each other, from unionization, from the solidarity of shared struggle. For Sade, the chateau in the forest was his way to dream himself out of the chains he was shackled, quite literally, within. By any means necessary, he decried. And so we take the center of pleasure centers--the room, and the work of the body within it--as the fundamental site to begin rethinking, and eroding work; and so, where is it we begin formulating our undercommons of/in the screen? (Preciado, Moten)
I have found no undercommons. No chateau either. Have you ever woken up and realized you buil​​t a shrine to your neuroticisms, and in them, simply remained?Â
>the professor & the student: The professor asserts the dual pleasures of enjoying criminal lecheries and of giving lessons. The student listens, and learns, and in the aftermath, cannot remember how to disentangle what is pleasurable from what is criminal, from what is lecherous.Â
>the professor & the student: Maybe the phrases one offers as gifts are the best love because they metarcgonize the demand for love in any call: but, in itself, the professor’s discourse is not an opening to the other’s inconvenience, and it is not love if it is not opened to that. (Berlant)
>the bedroom: I wanted philosophy as the bedroom, of the bedroom. All I continue to get is philosophy and the bedroom, in the bedroom.Â
>the bedroom: I read an article last week about bedroom musicians, I can’t remember where (lost in the web), but I remember one musician talking about how he fulfilled his dream of being able to create everything from the comfort of his bed. (Aphex Twin) Work incorporates the leisure of lounging, the sexuality of a stretch. I can go days without leaving my room; I can order food, I can scroll through workout videos, I can, finally, at last, “write.” What is the work of dream work? (Wang)
>the mirror: The mirror is an essential site of heterotopia: it makes this place that I occupy at the moment when I look at myself in the glass at once absolutely real, connected with all the space that surrounds it, and absolutely unreal, since in order to be perceived it has to pass through this virtual point which is over there.Â
>the mirror: Did you look in the mirror before you came here today? Looking is always demeaning (anyways). (Duras)
>orgy: Excessive indulgence in a specified activity. An orgy is always an orgy of production.Â
>orgy: Sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed. It’s about more than just being a body who fears what it means to “come together.” I am told the orgies I witness are a rupture, that the “empowered” woman is simply acquiring the dues she deserves; the ability to produce her own image only to be fed back it to consume. I am told that something different is happening, but I don’t see it. At the end, it is all just work, and the work of being fucked up, crazy, desiring, and cruel has only become another value to accrue. How boring to expect that at the bottom of everything, if we only push harder, there will be something good. All Sade got was a lot of corpses who never even had what he wanted in the end.(C.E.)
>the little girl: Words relating to pedophelia are blacklisted on almost every mainstream porn site: underage, age of consent, molest, pedophile, pedophelia, infant, even on some, young. One of the most popular porn searches on pornhub is “barely legal.” Coiner of “pornotopia,” Steven Marcus, views the phrase as a sign of degradation of the human spirit; it is nothing more than visions of permanently hungry men screaming from the breast from which they have been torn. For Lyotard, Marx’s textual body is that of the split. There is little girl Marx who simply wants capitalism to end. And there is old man Marx who needs capitalism, and so constantly defers it, in order to make his critique of it. Both Marxs exist in a literary pornotopia of Lyotard’s own. All this little girl means to do is just present some offerings in accountability, and its relation to desire. Really, that’s all.Â
>the little girl: I don’t actually feel very little at all. If I were to draw a self-portrait, my lines would be shaky, but my gut would be definite in its gluttony; all of my buttons, and the seam of my pants, about to burst. I said I was only interested in writing to men because I needed an excuse to be violent, a screen against which to carry out my attack. At the end of the day, violence, like everything else, I return to myself. The project is self-serving, perhaps you could say. I don’t know if I write from the desire to be these men, or from my shame at already feeling like them. I am writing from what I know, and it's this icky, gooey feeling that has nothing to do with the stickiness of feeling female. At the end of the day, I feel aligned with the grossness of a porn addict; more like the voyeur than the girl who knows how to be watched, or the masturabtor, rather than the object of masturbation. In the end; pathetic. (me)
>the cop: Just an observation: why are cops so presently featured in frivolous, harmless roles in tv sitcoms? The stripper dressed as a police officer, the romantic interest that lasts for an episode, maybe even two?
>the cop: A relation of cruel optimism. There is no such thing as pure enjoyment. Not for me. (Berlant, Reines)Â
>the seductress: Revolutions and liberations are fragile, while seduction is inescapable. But we are now trapped within the narcissism of digital seduction; isolated in front of the screen, drawn in by the manipulation of a bionic mirror. We are, you could say, in love with the conception of ourselves. This conception is, however, no longer platonic.Â
>the seductress: They call it frigidity. We call it absenteeism. (Federici)
>hardcore: What is there left to hide?
>hardcore: Why is it that feminists are so keen on differentiating men’s sexuality as inherently pornographic and woman’s as inherently erotic?(Williams, Lorde)
>the only hardcore thing about hardcore pornography is the aftermath of the the body on the bed. The act itself comes off as quite platonic.Â
>ethical porn: Sometimes used interchangeably with “feminist porn,” ethical porn depicts sex that is more true to life, while featuring more diverse sets of bodies and showcasing authentic expressions of female pleasure.Â
>ethical porn: How can we speak of ethics in hell? (Berardi)
>quickie: A fuck in 15 minutes or less.Â
>quickie: What even is “true” feeling? (Lorde)
>the church: Sex in a church. The sexuality of religion (shame). And of course, of priests.Â
>the church: I believe in the body that cannot let go, the girl who can simply not detach. (Cixous)
>softcore: Everything exists as a gesture of signification; secretive, intimate, erotic. A scene that relies on what it sets up, rather than what it explicitly “is.”Â
>softcore: I’ll use anything, anyone, any love to have something to write about, and for. There can be no erotics without the violence of use. Afterall; we need to be separated from love in order to recognize what love is. (Duras, Lorde, Weil)
>threesome: Three people having sex with eachother. Self-explanatory. But who is it that is the “third?”
>threesome: What will become of my desire? (What is a third body?) (Cixous)
>step-sister: Step-sibling porn remains one of the most popular fetishes on mainstream porn sites. Is it the taboo or the comfort of a plot that draws a person in? There really is something for everyone.Â
>step-sister: I couldn’t be just another anorexic martyr, even though my anorexic self loved you for what you did, and how you lived. We’re all so ashamed of who we are. We’re all just doing what we can. (Weil, Régare)
>love note: Another superfluity of the feminine form.Â
>love note: The one reading is pleasured by her own process of desubjectification. Which, in classic porn, is always words when they come as ejaculation. The only confessional left to write is the question of this: Is this not love? (Preciado)
>professional: Been in the business for a while. Is serious about their money, doesn’t take shit from anyone. Loves the obscenity of who they are, and what they do.Â
>professional: The pornosopher takes no question as serious as this: To distance oneself professionally through critique, is this not the most active consent to privatize the individual? (Moten) This is not only a question of theory, but also of the essentialness of what is at stake in art, and of the artist; Nowadays it often seems writing is nothing at all. Sometimes I realize that if writing isn’t all things, all contraries confounded, a quest for vanity and void, it’s nothing. That if it’s not, each time, all things confounded into one through some inexpressible essence, then writing is nothing but advertisement. (Duras)
>feeder kink: Sexual gratification in helping others gain weight. Feederism is not sexual attraction to obese bodies; it is the erotic fulfillment found in witnessing and aiding another’s becoming into obesity.Â
>feeder kink: My mother in my head, saying America needs to learn how to eat without getting so stuffed. Baudrillard's voice, Barthes,’ telling me that we are gorged on meaning. It’s interesting in most feederism, it is men who want huge, engorged women: unmoving women, women unable to move. (Ulmer) It’s not that there is nothing I want to do with my life, it is only that I cannot come up with anything I desire to have as, or with, it. A main dish, a side, the quickness of a drive through, the comforting heat of a frozen microwave meal. I am interested only in what means to become; not in what signifies the coding of being. (Puar)
>breath play: A controversial area of BDSM play, as it involves the restriction of oxygen to the brain. If done wrong, it can kill.
>breath play: Love. It means too much for me, far more than you can understand. (Anna Karenina)
>lover: The lover's relation, as is the pornographer’s, is always general, and always primary.Â
>lover: Whose suffering is rendered politically unintelligible and why? Who is forced to carry around the secret of their body within their own bodies, and what must be done to not let the agony of the secret annihilate them? I want a love letter to that. (Wang)Â
>masturbation: Self hedonism. Or self pleasure.Â
>masturbation: We are what we love, not what loves us. (Kaufman)Â
>edging: A sexual practice that allows one to delay orgasm. Some find that edging makes orgasm more intense. Of course, one can also differ orgasm endlessly, and all together, and find gratification in the practice of edging alone.Â
>edging: My friend A-- told me a story once of how they drove 8 hours to begin the next semester of school from Maryland to Vermont and edged themselves the entire way. They came when they pulled into the driveway of their dorm room. Hm. (A)
>smut: A writing style that is sexually explicit and generally associated with females, especially in the writings of erotic manga, fan fiction, and romance books.Â
>smut: A form for the mess. (Beckett, but mostly: Despentes)Â
>apprentice:
>saturationÂ
>appearances/appear:Â
>accelerationism
