While I love my job(most days 🙄) as a manager of a processing and support team, I don't feel like there will be a lot of growth for me.. career and financial wise. I get paid.. not a lot. Enough to cover my expenses and maybe saving a little every month(which is one of the reasons I got back into camming. Kids are expensive! Also being mentally ill is expensive! Everything is so fucking expensive 😭😭), but I want to give more to my little one. I want to not worry or stress about money or if something happens(like losing my job or medical problems), and that isn't going to happen over night..
I bring all this up because I want to go back to school. If not for my Bachelor's at least to get a license in something I can do part time. I've always loved skin care so I have been looking into esthetics. But I feel so discouraged looking into any sort of schooling because I feel so old..
To be fair, I feel too old for everything lately. Too old to have such a young baby, too old to go back to school, too old to not have a career, too old to cam and live such a sexual life.. 
Going to EXXXOTICA did help with that, at the time, because I met a lot of camgirls that also had kids and were around my age, still kicking ass and taking names! It's empowering to see but going back to my reality of barely having ten minutes to shower(last time was... Sunday) kind of crushes everything. 
ET is my world and I will never regret anything to do with him. I just want to give him the best me I can be and the best possible start in life. My parents didn't have much while we were growing up and I don't want that to happen with him. And I know life isn't just about the items you fill it with. I am speaking more so in the sense of opportunities and experiences. Being able to travel with him, being able to take him to places he wants to go like Disneyland or the beach or to visit New York- things he wants to experience.
I dunno. I think I'm just contemplating what to do with my life..