I've learned a lot about you over our last year of therapy together. I've delved deeply into your mind and frankly what I've found is troubling. So starting today we're launching an aggressive new form of treatment for your debilitating addiction to your own dick: no orgasms. Ever again. You don't deserve to be around women, but since that's not an option, we're going to have to do the next best thing, take away your ability to touch yourself. As we rewire your brain circuitry, you will find yourself feeling more content, safe in your new place in the world: the bottom.